Letting Go

If the hands of the elderly could talk, they would tell you stories of all the things they have held on to.  Flowers, food, tools, lovers, children, grand-children. They also bear the scars of all they have had to let go of. 

Which in the end becomes everything. 

I work as a painting contractor and recently completed a large project at the local retirement home in my town.  It was one of the most enjoyable jobs I have worked on. I made many new friends there had the privilege of spending time hearing their stories. I also made some interesting observations. 

For the large part, elderly people tend to be non-pretentious. They are authentic and don’t particularly care about trying to impress you with their looks, charm or achievements. Now one could easily write this off as deterioration of the mind or whatever, but I think there’s something more interesting, more eye opening going on here.  

Ever wonder why anything exists?  Why you exist?  How this universe could produce sentient beings who have the ability to ponder their existence?  I believe that we are, as the writer of the creation narrative in Genesis would say, “made in the image of God.”  What does that mean?  I think it simply means that the are made of the same stuff as God.  According to the apostle John, God IS love.  If God is existence and exists as love, how could God create anything that isn’t love?  

Assuming that God is also relational, it is necessary to allow for individuality and give them an environment in which to live and experience existence. Modern psychology has discovered that newborn children do not differentiate between themselves and their mother. They think of themselves as one and the same.  Differentiation is something learned and can feel traumatic. This is something each of us needs to experience. Self discovery is why we experience physical existence. 

Here’s the interesting thing that happens when we realize we are an individual:  We try to form a narrative to define who we are from the lived experience of outside stimuli. We first define ourselves by who is our family.  We move on to defining self by what we look like and what we can do, and this continues throughout most of our lives.  Early on we learn to define who we are by the things we have.  Later on, by how our children and grand children have turned out. 

As we get older, the things with which we have defined ourselves are gradually taken away.  I’m  already discovering this at the age of 47. I used to be agile and quick. Able to run, jump and do complicated spinning kicks as a 3rd degree black belt in Taekwondo. Now my back, knees and ankles won’t allow me such freedom of movement.  

I am not my physical ability.

I used to have a thick head of hair that most women were jealous of. Also, I started balding less than ten years ago.  

I am not my looks.  

I have realized that the important part of self discovery is the realization of who I am not.

Scripture often talks about divine punishment and judgement and it sounds very scary, especially when imagery of fire—even eternal fire is used!  It’s easy to assume that God’s punishment and judgement is retributive as that is a characteristic that most of us have adopted as part of our identity. 

The imagery however is that of restoration.  And it makes sense too.  How can God—if God truly is love, ever be retributive?  That would be a logical fallacy. 

The imagery of fire and brimstone are actually not that scary when you understand what they represent. Fire is used to purify—to burn away everything which is not authentic. Brimstone is sulfur and was used in the ancient world as a preservative. I personally use sulphite product called “metabisulphite” in my beer and wine making as a way of preserving my product from bacteria which shouldn’t be there. Even in the “sheep and the goats’ parable in Matthew 25, the word used for “punishment” is “κόλασις” which is an ancient arborist term meaning to “prune the tree so that it can grow better.”  Yes, it hurts when what I think is me is taken away.  I might even describe that purging as “hellish”, but ultimately it frees me and reveals who I am authentically. 

While I was working at the retirement home, the husband of one of the ladies there passed away.  I offered her my heartfelt condolences and she started reminiscing about her husband.  Nothing was said about how he looked, what he did for a living or anything like that.  She talked about what a good husband and father he was. She said, “He was gentle.  He was a good man.”  When all was taken away, she recognized that all which was left was love. For that is who we are at the core of our being.

As you go through life, as you go through the inevitable process of self discovery, you will have to let go of many illusions of who you think you are. It is a painful, but necessary process. In the end, on the other side of the veil we call “death”, it will be unveiled who we are. I would echo the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 when he says, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

You are love.  Let everything else fall away.