The chilly winter air washes over my face as I walk down the snow dusted sidewalk past a familiar four plex unit, only four blocks from my house. Instantly, I am transported back in time. Twenty five years ago, I was about to move into that residence with my new wife.
I think about that young couple only 22 (me) and 21 (her) and wonder if they had any idea of the adventure, heartbreak, elation, tragedy, disappointment and successes that would shape who they would become over the next quarter of a century. They were different people. Very sheltered and naive. Very idealistic with well thought out plans as to how their future together would be.
We are not the same people as we were back then. Almost unrecognizable really. Life simply did not happen as we had planned and it changed who we are. None of us are meant to be static beings. We are all meant to be dynamic and in the process of becoming. I believe that the people we surround ourselves with are an integral part of shaping who we are and who we will be.
I think that the best part of the marriage adventure is that of discovery. It’s about a lifetime of exploring one other person in the most intimate way possible. Knowing and being known. If you just love that person as they are now and expect that person to stay that way, you will be disappointed and may “fall out of love” when he or she inevitably changes. I wonder if that’s one of the factors in so many failed marriages these days?
I remember being shocked to have found a beautiful woman who would love who I was back then. I am amazed that she would continue to love who I would become over the years. The constant adjustment hasn’t always been easy for either of us. There have been many growing pains. Not only have we developed wrinkles, grey hair (balding in my case) and achy joints, but our whole way of thinking, our priorities, our way of doing life has completely changed. I believe this has been for the better, though our younger selves would likely question that. Looking back, I can see that we have indeed evolved into wiser, deeper people and with that, our love has grown deeper and more deeply rooted.
I’ve realized over the years what a priceless thing it is to have someone next to you who is ready and willing to change WITH you. In our relationships, we need to hold on to who that person is with a loose grip. Willing to let go and allow for growth. Healthy relationships are ones where we love who our partner is becoming. Where we cheer each other on in personal growth, following an upward trajectory together.
Thank you Carlita for being on this adventure with me for so long and shaping me as a person. You have been instrumental in my personal evolution. Because of you, I’ve become more patient, caring, thoughtful, more loving and less selfish. Not only have I enjoyed discovering who you are, You have helped me discover who I am. I am not perfect and still have many personal flaws to overcome, but I am still in progress. I am becoming and always will be.
I don’t know what experiences life will hand us in the future, but I look forward to who we will be twenty five years from now!