Pushing Back the Horizon

I know. It’s a strange title and you’re probably wondering about the connection between the two words. What does authenticity have to do with fatherhood?

Well…everything. 

Not just fatherhood either.  Authenticity is integral to relationship.  As fatherhood is a relationship and this is Father’s Day, let’s use that as an example. 

I became a father on November 27, 1996 around 5:28 in the morning. I’ll never forget seeing my daughter for the first time, holding her in my arms, looking into her eyes and wondering…

Who is this little human?

I was excited about getting to know her and knew that I have a lifetime to discover who she is. She isn’t just any little human. She is my daughter. I am her father and we have a special relationship. It is my job in this relationship to explore who she is and to help her discover her own authentic identity. 

It doesn’t always work that way though. I’ve never had a relationship with my own father. This isn’t a surprise to anyone who knows us. Even though he has always been present in my life and still lives close by, we have no relationship. We see each other occasionally, and engage in small talk, but nothing beyond that.  

If conversation goes beyond small talk, things get awkward and tense really fast. Why?  Authenticity is not permitted. My father is a self proclaimed missionary who has always been heavily involved in the “work of the church”. As such, he has an image to protect. When you are trying to look like a respectable, religious person and you depend on the acceptance and financial support of other Christians, it’s important to have a family who enhances your image. One that looks and acts respectable and doesn’t ever question what the church teaches.  It’s also important to be able to control your children—to enhance this charade of a perfect little Christian family. Unfortunately for him, his son is a tattooed biker with long hair who is a critical thinker that questions everything.  I’m a non-conformist and have always been so, and that’s never gone over well.  From the time I was a small child, my dad has criticized, disparaged and even ridiculed my unique perspectives and way of being.  I was never allowed to be myself around him. He wasted my childhood trying to make me into a little version of himself and ended up losing his son in the process. 

A relationship sacrificed on the altar of fakeness to the god of personal insecurity. 

My father has never been able to connect with me because he has always been busy trying to establish a relationship with who he wishes I was. I have never been able to connect with my father because he projects a false image of himself and will only allow me to relate to that. 

You cannot have a relationship with someone who does not exist.

In the gospel accounts of the life of Jesus, He refers to God as his “Abba”.  In english we would say “Papa”.  It means “father”, but with intimate, authentic relationship implied. Of course, God is genderless, but today on Father’s Day, permit me to use masculine, fatherish pronouns for God.  I believe that God the father is interested in who we truly are and not only encourages us to be authentic, but insists on it.  That’s the problem with religion.  We’ve gotten this idea in our heads that we are inherently sinful, flawed and unacceptable to God. That God cannot accept us or even look upon us unless we can get our act together and behave properly, or at least have someone else like Jesus do it for us in our place. In my last article; “Letting Go”, I explore how what religion has taught us about “divine judgement and punishment” is actually a loving Father who cannot and will not have a relationship with anyone that is not authentic. This Father does NOT punish us in a retributive sense, but removes our falseness, exposing our true self. The authentic self who can have relationship with the Divine.  

Are wondering why you do not have a close relationship with the angry, retributive god that would punish people for eternity—you know…the one religion told you about?  

That god does not exist. That’s why it’s not working!  

This is why Jesus is so important. He came to show us what the authentic God of the universe is really like so that we can have genuine relationship with Him. 

Long before I saw my first daughter, I had determined to discover who my children were and not force them into some kind of fakeness that would protect my insecurities. I’ve also insisted that my children be who they are. I have called them out when they have behaved in ways that are not true to who they are. They haven’t always appreciated that process at the time—it probably felt like judgement, but for the most part, they have seen the wisdom of it later on in life. I’m not a perfect father and there have been many times when I did in fact try to make my children into little versions of myself instead of discovering who they are. Those were always the times when our relationships suffered. 

This Father’s Day, I wish authenticity on every reader. We are relational creatures, but also prone to believing and embracing false identity. Please know that you are complete. You are already just as you should be. You are fully loved and accepted and why should you not be?  You are an expression of Papa. You are made of pure love!  As you discover how great God’s love is, as you allow our Father to remove falseness from you, as you embrace authenticity, you will discover deeper relationship with yourself, others and God Himself. 

For more reading on who you are and why it’s so hard to accept it, please check out this article:  http://ryanharbidge.com/2019/03/16/whats-so-bad-about-sin/

I’ll admit it. I’m a tone deaf white person. Not as much as I have been in the past, but still tone deaf. Those of you who know me might be confused by this. After all, I’ve raised two black daughters and I’ve been to Haiti where they come from many times. I’ve made the effort to spend time with black people and read black authors, and yet, I’m still tone deaf. 

Let me explain with a true story. 

I’ve been in plenty of scary situations throughout my life, but one of the scariest ones was the time I and my family were stranded in the middle of Port Au Prince, Haiti after dark. 

It would be an understatement to say that the people of Haiti, historically, have not had a good experience with white people. After all, it was white people who brought them there as slaves in the first place, white people who bankrupted their country after they freed themselves and white people who continue to play a part in keeping them in the cycle of poverty they remain in to this day. 

Port Au Prince isn’t a particularly safe city to live in in you are a black Haitian. It’s an EXTREMELY unsafe city to be in, especially after dark if you are a white person. It’s also incredible how fast the sun sets that close to the equator. 

We had just spent a wonderful day as a family, visiting my children’s extended birth family. They had fed us supper and a friend of the family who owned a car (such as it was) had offered to drive us back to our guest house. About half way there, the car fell apart and we were stranded there with our driver who didn’t speak much english.  It was still daylight and we were not yet concerned. He got on the phone and arranged for another car. As we waited, the sun quickly set and I became very conscious of my white skin and the danger I and my family were potentially in because of it. White skin in Haiti means that you are rich. People constantly beg from me there. Kidnapping is also a possibility.  White skin is often conflated with oppression. Retributive violence is a possibility. 

With this knowledge, I was hyper aware of my surroundings. Always looking for danger, scared not just for me, but my family…praying that our car would arrive. The car did come along and brought us back to the safety of our guest house. A few days later we flew home to our wealthy and safe country of Canada where we never experience discrimination because of the colour of our skin. 

Safe and sound.  

Here’s the thing:  If you are a black person in America, you don’t have that option.  What I experienced in Port Au Prince is called normal life for them. There is always discrimination and the potential for danger because of the colour of their skin. Could I point out that it is also undeserving discrimination?

This is why I’m still tone deaf. Let me say it again—What my black brothers and sisters experience as normal, everyday life, I’ve only experienced temporarily—with knowledge of its temporality. I have never had to live like they do every day. 

Lately I’ve heard white people say stuff like, “Where are the riots when this unarmed white girl was killed by the police”. Let me use this illustration to show how stupid and tone deaf this statement is:  Imagine that I walk up to someone who is grieving as they have lost their entire family in a car wreck in which they are the only survivor. I say, “I understand what you are going through. I had a pet goldfish die when I was five years old.  Don’t worry. You’ll get over it.”  This is the same disparity in life experience.  I will never be able to relate to it.

Here’s my advice to white people:  

-When you hear, “black lives matter”, don’t EVER say, “well…all lives matter”.  

-Don’t try to deny the reality of white privilege. 

-Don’t even think that you can understand what it’s like to walk in a black persons shoes. You can’t.

-Be humble enough to listen to them without giving advice. 

-Hear their stories—learn from them. 

-Weep with them. 

-March with them. 

-Speak out against inequality. 

Don’t be a part of the problem.

If the hands of the elderly could talk, they would tell you stories of all the things they have held on to.  Flowers, food, tools, lovers, children, grand-children. They also bear the scars of all they have had to let go of. 

Which in the end becomes everything. 

I work as a painting contractor and recently completed a large project at the local retirement home in my town.  It was one of the most enjoyable jobs I have worked on. I made many new friends there had the privilege of spending time hearing their stories. I also made some interesting observations. 

For the large part, elderly people tend to be non-pretentious. They are authentic and don’t particularly care about trying to impress you with their looks, charm or achievements. Now one could easily write this off as deterioration of the mind or whatever, but I think there’s something more interesting, more eye opening going on here.  

Ever wonder why anything exists?  Why you exist?  How this universe could produce sentient beings who have the ability to ponder their existence?  I believe that we are, as the writer of the creation narrative in Genesis would say, “made in the image of God.”  What does that mean?  I think it simply means that the are made of the same stuff as God.  According to the apostle John, God IS love.  If God is existence and exists as love, how could God create anything that isn’t love?  

Assuming that God is also relational, it is necessary to allow for individuality and give them an environment in which to live and experience existence. Modern psychology has discovered that newborn children do not differentiate between themselves and their mother. They think of themselves as one and the same.  Differentiation is something learned and can feel traumatic. This is something each of us needs to experience. Self discovery is why we experience physical existence. 

Here’s the interesting thing that happens when we realize we are an individual:  We try to form a narrative to define who we are from the lived experience of outside stimuli. We first define ourselves by who is our family.  We move on to defining self by what we look like and what we can do, and this continues throughout most of our lives.  Early on we learn to define who we are by the things we have.  Later on, by how our children and grand children have turned out. 

As we get older, the things with which we have defined ourselves are gradually taken away.  I’m  already discovering this at the age of 47. I used to be agile and quick. Able to run, jump and do complicated spinning kicks as a 3rd degree black belt in Taekwondo. Now my back, knees and ankles won’t allow me such freedom of movement.  

I am not my physical ability.

I used to have a thick head of hair that most women were jealous of. Also, I started balding less than ten years ago.  

I am not my looks.  

I have realized that the important part of self discovery is the realization of who I am not.

Scripture often talks about divine punishment and judgement and it sounds very scary, especially when imagery of fire—even eternal fire is used!  It’s easy to assume that God’s punishment and judgement is retributive as that is a characteristic that most of us have adopted as part of our identity. 

The imagery however is that of restoration.  And it makes sense too.  How can God—if God truly is love, ever be retributive?  That would be a logical fallacy. 

The imagery of fire and brimstone are actually not that scary when you understand what they represent. Fire is used to purify—to burn away everything which is not authentic. Brimstone is sulfur and was used in the ancient world as a preservative. I personally use sulphite product called “metabisulphite” in my beer and wine making as a way of preserving my product from bacteria which shouldn’t be there. Even in the “sheep and the goats’ parable in Matthew 25, the word used for “punishment” is “κόλασις” which is an ancient arborist term meaning to “prune the tree so that it can grow better.”  Yes, it hurts when what I think is me is taken away.  I might even describe that purging as “hellish”, but ultimately it frees me and reveals who I am authentically. 

While I was working at the retirement home, the husband of one of the ladies there passed away.  I offered her my heartfelt condolences and she started reminiscing about her husband.  Nothing was said about how he looked, what he did for a living or anything like that.  She talked about what a good husband and father he was. She said, “He was gentle.  He was a good man.”  When all was taken away, she recognized that all which was left was love. For that is who we are at the core of our being.

As you go through life, as you go through the inevitable process of self discovery, you will have to let go of many illusions of who you think you are. It is a painful, but necessary process. In the end, on the other side of the veil we call “death”, it will be unveiled who we are. I would echo the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 when he says, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

You are love.  Let everything else fall away.  

Perfect theology is going to have holes in it.

In the hands and in the feet.

If your idea of God looks different than the image of Jesus on the cross–God revealed as vulnerable, co-suffering, others empowering and preemptively forgiving, you need to rethink your theology.

Perfect theology reveals a God who absorbs our retribution and recycles it into restorative justice for all. He rejects the self preserving way of empire and introduces us to the self sacrificing way of the Kingdom of God.

His kindness, grace and mercy never end for He is endlessly patient. Forever holding an open armed stance–ready to embrace you whenever you are ready.

Perfect theology is Jesus

My daughter was around two years old at the time.  You know, that wonderful age where children start to experiment with independence?  We were headed to a venue which I knew would be crowded and I had told her that she needed to hold daddy’s hand the whole time we were there so we wouldn’t be separated. She did hold my hand for a short while before seeing something intriguing and squirming free to pursue it.  Instead of forcing our hand to hand connection, I decided to follow closely and see where it was that she wanted to go.  She wandered for a few minutes and then stopped. She looked around at the vast forest of legs surrounding her.  None of them looked familiar. 

Where is daddy?  

I could see fear in her eyes as she realized that she was lost. As her lip started to quiver and tears formed in her eyes with the gravity or her situation becoming apparent, I knelt down to her level, picked her up and wrapped my arms around her.  I never “punished” her for her sin. What would be the point?  Our divine “Father” doesn’t punish us for our sins either. Our punishment is always self inflicted. 

She was never lost. 

I was with her the whole time.  

How does being lost affect a person?  I’ve actually been lost in the mountains, so I’ll tell you my experience. I had an overwhelming sense of being in danger as I had lost my reference point and was in a place of not belonging. Low grade panic and then despair set in as I had no means of finding my way back to where I should be.  Fortunately, someone eventually found me and brought me home. I noticed in hindsight, that my thinking while lost, had turned almost entirely inward. Self preservation, self pity, self loathing for getting lost. Me, me, me.  This is quite the opposite to how we were made to live. Once I was back in a place of safety, however, I was able to think of others. 

What is our “North Star” then, which gives us a reference point for life?  I believe it is love—as in “Agape”. Why?  Well, in scripture, John tells us that God IS love. That love IS God’s very essence, which means that God cannot behave in a way that is not love and still remain God. If God is existence itself and nothing exists outside of God as Paul writes in the letter to the Colossians (I also agree with him), this is an important reference point to have. It’s impossible to be lost when you hold hands with Love Himself!

I had a conversation with someone last summer where he had expressed great concern that I do not believe in a literal, eternal place of torment called “hell” where postmortem unbelievers will be eternally tortured for their unbelief.  He said that people like me have no concern for the lost.  

This could not be further from the truth!  I and others like me have utmost concern for the lost.  We just tend to define who is lost differently than our evangelical Christian counterparts.

I think that the most “lost” people around are the ones who believe that love involves coercion of any kind, that love involves retributive punishment, that love is conditional to our “correct doctrines” and limited to our earthly existence. I believe that there are many religious people who are truly lost as they have lost the reference point to what love even is. If you need a reminder, here’s how Paul defined love in 1Corinthians 13:

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.”

Now read that again, substituting the word “God” for “love”. 

What if being “lost” isn’t such a bad thing?  What if it is not our responsibility to be “found”. In Luke 15, Jesus tells two parables. One about a lost sheep and the other about a lost coin. In both stories, the “God” character makes the lost item the singular focus of His relentless search until it is found and restored to right belonging. The lost item contributes NOTHING to being found!  In fact, the only thing required of it to be found IS to be lost in the first place. 

What if, as Paul tells the Athenians on Mars hill in Acts 17–you know, those “lost” pagans who worshiped an “unknown god”, that they are already Gods own offspring and that they already live, move and exist within God? (Acts 17:28) 

What if God truly is love with no conditions and we cannot possibly be separated from Him?  What if God is like a father following a distracted two year old in a crowd, just waiting for us to come to the end of our wandering so we could be scooped up into loving arms?  

What if “being lost” is nothing but a state of mind—a way of thinking and as Paul told the Athenians, we just need to change our minds (repent) about how we understand God? Maybe, if we changed our minds about how we think of God, we would recognize that we have already  been experiencing love all along!

Are you lost?  Are you exhausted from working so hard to do the right things and believe the right doctrines in order to please a God who is already head over heels in love with you and just wants you to slow down enough that He can pick you up in loving embrace?

Change your mind about who God is. Know that God has always been just like Jesus. Know that you are the focus of His search and He will NEVER stop pursuing you. Know that you are safe and always have been. 

What does it look like today to not be lost—to be holding loves hand?  I think it looks like not selfishly hoarding toilet paper, masks and other perceived items of scarcity. It looks like putting the needs of someone else who has less than me above my own perception of lack and sharing resources with them. It means being willing to inconvenience myself to protect the vulnerable from COVID-19. It means checking in on others to make sure they are ok and have everything they need. 

Lostness is only perception and there isn’t even one person who can remain lost forever!

This silly cartoon recently came across my Facebook feed. Initially, I laughed when I saw it, but then I saw who posted it and knew that this person actually believes it.  Since I’ve been out of the church scene for awhile, I tend to forget that people still believe stuff like this and it honestly makes me kind of sad.

I mean seriously…If my wife or one of my daughters says she wants to talk to me and I respond by silently reaching across the living room, handing her a book, that’s just not going to go over well!  That is not how a healthy relationship works!

If you really think that God only speaks to you through a book, can I suggest that perhaps you are just not paying attention?

Have you ever had someone silently sit with you in your pain?

Have you ever been embraced by a friend, your children or a lover?

Has anyone accepted you as a friend and wanted to be in your presence just because you are you?

Have you ever had someone help you out in a time of need when they had no obligation to do so?

Have you ever hiked though the Rocky Mountains and been overwhelmed by the rugged beauty of the landscape?

Have you ever stood on the beach and been in awe with the power and mystery of the ocean?

Have you ever looked up at the night sky and been amazed at the vastness and beauty of the universe?

If you can say “yes” to any of these, God has spoken to you. Whenever you witness love, life and beauty, this is God speaking words of affirmation to your very existence.  The presence of God permeates everything and everyone and is always speaking to us if we would only listen.  As Richard Rohr says, “We live in a Christ soaked universe”.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the Bible, but do not see its purpose as the only way God speaks to me.  The Bible is incredibly important to me, but not as the sole, inerrant and infallible word of God.  The Bible is an amazing, diverse collection of ancient,  inspired writings which showcase various peoples experiences and ideas about God throughout the millennia. It shows us how individual people and entire cultures evolved in their thinking about God. I love the poetry of Genesis and how the post-exilic Israelites imagined a more beautiful creation story than the violent Babylonian Enuma Elish story they had learned while in captivity. I love seeing the perspectives of different writers recounting the monarchical period of Israel from Kings to Chronicles. It is fascinating observing Davids spiritual growth and development in the Psalms. It is life giving to me to read the accounts of the life of Jesus in the gospels, revealing what God in the flesh is like. It encourages me to observe the writers of the New Testament, struggling to rethink their inherited faith after encountering Jesus and gives me permission to do likewise. In fact, if God says anything to me through the Bible, it is this:  “Ryan, don’t worry about it if you get the wrong idea about who I am and what life is about. You are in good company and I’m frankly not worried about it.  Keep on learning, exploring and growing. Learn to see, hear and experience me in everything and everyone around you. Just know that no matter how good and loving you imagine me to be, you are STILL underestimating me!  Now go and play. Enjoy this existence I have brought you into!”

Here’s a news flash for you:  The Bible contains many false ideas about God, particularly in the Old Testament. I love how Jesus comes on the scene and corrects those false assumptions about God which had become entrenched in cultural religion. To quote Archbishop Lazar, “Any Scripture that claims to reveal God must bow to the living Word of God 

when he came in the flesh.” 

The Bible is NOT the Word of God.  

Jesus is. 

Full stop.  

If you are a part of a church who’s statement of faith contains wording such as, “We believe that the Bible is the inerrant and infallible word of God”, could I suggest that you have turned the Bible into an idol?  Could I suggest that you are involved in a dead religion? Could I suggest that you find the nearest exit and leave as quickly as you can?  

Could I suggest that we ask God to help us to listen better?

I remember like it was yesterday.  My oldest daughter was two years old at the time. She had her first—and last temper tantrum. I’m not sure what it was that set her off, but she dropped to the ground quite dramatically and started kicking and flailing about while screaming her head off.  I watched this for about thirty seconds and then joined her on the floor doing likewise. I flailed about on my back, making silly screeching sounds for only a little while when I noticed I was the only one having a “tantrum”.  I looked over to see my daughter staring at me with an amused look on her face.  Then she started laughing at my antics. Even at two years old, she recognized that I was mimicking her and that she must have looked pretty silly!

Sometimes all we need is a look in the mirror to inform us when we are behaving poorly.

Donald Trump was elected with 81% support of people who claim to be Christ followers.  Some have claimed that he was “chosen by God” to be the leader of America. I wonder if they are right in a manner of speaking?  I don’t think for a moment that God actually placed him in that position of power, but I wonder if God allowed him to be there as a mirror to the American people, especially white evangelical Christians?

Forgive me if I sound like a sanctimonious Canadian.  I realize we are far from perfect, that we share some common problems and have issues of our own, but I’ve realized that it is sometimes helpful to have the perspective of someone on the outside looking in.  When I, as an outsider think of Donald Trump, certain words come to mind:

-Tribalistic

-Misogynistic. 

-Violent

-Greedy

-Arrogant

-Self serving

-Intellectually atrophied 

-Dangerously unstable

When I think of America and American (also Canadian) evangelicalism, the very same words come to mind. 

I think American Evangelicals have had a look in the mirror and subsequently a rude awakening as to how they appear to the rest of the world. I suspect perhaps, that they are starting to not like what they see. Last December, “Christianity Today” magazine as well as other Christian publications publicly denounced Donald Trump following his impeachment and called for him to be removed from office. I agree that this would be a positive step, but it won’t fix the problem. 

Trump is not the problem. He is a symptom. He is a manifestation of the problem. He is the inevitable result that transpires when a group of people who understand God to be vindictive and nepotistic choose a leader to represent them. This is what happens when you already  believe God’s goodness to be arbitrary.  If you believe that God in fact caused a flood to wipe out most of human civilization, if you believe that God ordered the slaughter of the Canaanite people, if you believe that God punishes people with disease and weather events and is still good, then goodness is arbitrary. If you believe that God can still be good and yet retributively punish people for eternity, it gives you permission to think of others as disposable and treat them as such. Like it or not, the empire of Christianity has shaped American culture into what it is today. And that’s a problem. 

Tell me; is a thing good because God does it, or does God do a thing because it is good?  

Some may be reading this and saying, “Ryan!  The Bible is God’s Word and it is inerrant!  How dare you question these things!!!”  Well, take a deep breath and know that I believe the Bible does indeed accurately present what people throughout its recorded history thought God was like. I believe that they really thought God wiped out most of humanity in a world wide flood and that He ordered the death of the Canaanite people, that He punishes those who displease Him with disease, weather events, even eternal hell. Why wouldn’t they?  Most pagan religions believed that.  I also believe that we not only have permission, but also have the responsibility of rejecting any idea of God we find in scripture that is not Christ-like. 

This is what makes the person of Jesus so unique and important. He disagreed with scriptural ideas about God (see the beatitudes). He showed us by His life that goodness is consistent and definite. Jesus, who claimed to be God incarnate (and I believe him), showed us what God is really like. He corrected our anthropomorphic ideas about God.  He demonstrated love for enemies, preemptively forgave without condition or permission, empowered and dignified the disadvantaged, protested the way of religious and political empire with non-violence. He showed us that this is the way for us to live as well.  It is how we were designed to be.  His witness and Way was indeed vindicated by resurrection. 

America is not a Christian nation.  Donald Trump is not a Christ follower. The evangelical church has once again kissed the ring of Constantine and joined the vast crowd at the wide gate that leads to destruction. Until you find the narrow gate that leads to life—the way to be truly human—the way of Christ, you will always have your wars, your disparity between the rich and poor, your legalized slavery in your prison system. You will keep locking children up in cages and separating families at your borders.  You will maintain a system in which women, people of colour and LGBT people are second class citizens who must live in constant fear.  And you will will continue to justify all of this with the arbitrary good that you believe your god to be. 

Another Donald Trump will always be there to lead you. 

Donald Trump IS you!

Take a look in the mirror and see your silliness. Be like my two year old daughter and decide  that you don’t like what you see. America can be great one day, but you will have to pick up your cross and follow Jesus to see that happen.  

The chilly winter air washes over my face as I walk down the snow dusted sidewalk past a familiar four plex unit, only four blocks from my house. Instantly, I am transported back in time. Twenty five years ago, I was about to move into that residence with my new wife.  

I think about that young couple only 22 (me) and 21 (her) and wonder if they had any idea of the adventure, heartbreak, elation, tragedy, disappointment and successes that would shape who they would become over the next quarter of a century. They were different people. Very sheltered and naive. Very idealistic with well thought out plans as to how their future together would be. 

We are not the same people as we were back then. Almost unrecognizable really.  Life simply did not happen as we had planned and it changed who we are. None of us are meant to be static beings. We are all meant to be dynamic and in the process of becoming.  I believe that the people we surround ourselves with are an integral part of shaping who we are and who we will be.

I think that the best part of the marriage adventure is that of discovery.  It’s about a lifetime of exploring one other person in the most intimate way possible. Knowing and being known. If you just love that person as they are now and expect that person to stay that way, you will be disappointed and may “fall out of love” when he or she inevitably changes.  I wonder if that’s one of the factors in so many failed marriages these days?   

I remember being shocked to have found a beautiful woman who would love who I was back then. I am amazed that she would continue to love who I would become over the years. The constant adjustment hasn’t always been easy for either of us. There have been many growing pains. Not only have we developed wrinkles, grey hair (balding in my case) and achy joints, but our whole way of thinking, our priorities, our way of doing life has completely changed.  I believe this has been for the better, though our younger selves would likely question that.  Looking back, I can see that we have indeed evolved into wiser, deeper people and with that, our love has grown deeper and more deeply rooted.  

I’ve realized over the years what a priceless thing it is to have someone next to you who is ready and willing to change WITH you. In our relationships, we need to hold on to who that person is with a loose grip. Willing to let go and allow for growth. Healthy relationships are ones where we love who our partner is becoming. Where we cheer each other on in personal growth, following an upward trajectory together. 

Thank you Carlita for being on this adventure with me for so long and shaping me as a person. You have been instrumental in my personal evolution. Because of you, I’ve become more patient, caring, thoughtful, more loving and less selfish.  Not only have I enjoyed discovering who you are, You have helped me discover who I am.  I am not perfect and still have many personal flaws to overcome, but I am still in progress.  I am becoming and always will be.

I don’t know what experiences life will hand us in the future, but I look forward to who we will be twenty five years from now!

When all you know is blurry vision, it seems pretty normal. What does it mean to see clearly?  No one can tell you. It must be experienced. 

I received my first pair of glasses 40 years ago at the age of seven.  The interesting thing is that I had no idea that I needed glasses.  In fact, I remember feeling somewhat offended at the suggestion that I couldn’t see well and needed something to correct my vision.  Even though I was born with perfect vision, I no longer had any frame of reference for what clear vision might be like as my eyes had slowly deteriorated without me noticing. It took teachers at school and my parents to realize that I could not see as I should be able to.  Once I put on that first pair of glasses, everything became clear.  I hadn’t realized how detailed the world around me could be until I saw through them.   

As human beings, I believe we are also born with perfect vision of our inherent goodness, completeness and worth.  Not one person is ever born “sinful”. The teaching of “original sin” is an unfortunate idea which infected Christianity via a 5th century church leader (Augustine of Hippo).   However, it is inevitable that we will lose focus of who we are and what God is like.  From the time we are children, people around us—our very system of society inflicts us with the idea that we are worth less than we are. We are told that the universe is not a very safe place and that if there is a God, He must be very disappointed in us because we are so flawed.  Religion tells us that God’s acceptance of us is entirely conditional. IF we believe in the right things, IF we act the right way and IF this deity gets the right sacrifice, then maybe we can be forgiven and accepted.  Otherwise we are doomed to retributive punishment. Angry gods always demand their pound of flesh.  

This just seems normal.  We have no other frame of reference to think of such things and are often offended when someone suggests to us that our vision might need fixing. 

Is there even anyone out there to correct our eyesight?

2000 years ago God became enfleshed.  The eternal Christ who has always been, became a human.  Jesus came to show us what God is really like. He said things like, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.”  Many other things He said, were and still are confusing, but the way He behaved was not.  He spent His life living not as a deity, not even as a king, but as a common peasant without economic or political advantage.  He spent His time loving the unlovable, preemptively forgiving the guilty and healing those who were soul and body sick. The only ones He chastised were those who would dare to create distance between the people and the Father.  The highest revelation of this God we observe in the person of Jesus, is on the cross.  We clearly see the radically forgiving, others-empowering, co-suffering nature of God.  We clearly see how God has ALWAYS been.  We did not know this before, but now we do.  

It’s interesting how Jesus constantly refers to Himself as the “son of man”.  He identifies not as divine, though He certainly is that.  He identifies as human.  

Yes, Jesus is the archetypal human.

He doesn’t just show us what God is like.  He shows us who we are as well and invites us to live as such.  Many of us have been led to believe by systems of religion, that whenever Jesus invites us to believe in Him so we can enjoy “eternal life”,  this means “living forever somewhere else” (in heaven) after we die.  This idea is clearly the wrong prescription for our eyes.  Jesus is actually inviting us to observe how He lives, to understand that this is the way that humans are designed to live and to do likewise.  This is the “narrow road” which leads to life.  Life as humans are designed to live in the here and now. 

What Jesus accomplishes through His life and death is to redeem all of humanity. The word “redeem” is a good word. Let’s break it down:  To “deem” is to give something value.  In the creation narrative in the book of Genesis, God declares that we are “good”. The word used here is “טוב”, which means “complete”.  Somehow, our vision deteriorated and we came to think that we are not complete.  We are lacking. We are flawed. We are inherently sinful at the core of our being and deserving only of eternal retributive punishment.  If you believe that’s who you are, it’s not surprising when your praxis reflects this thinking.

Then Jesus comes along and restores our value.  He “re-deems” all of humanity by showing us what God is really like and showing us what it looks like to be fully human.  He restores our value by becoming one of us and by treating us as priceless!  Even when we murder Him on the cross, He speaks forgiveness to the unrepentant. He absorbs our hatred and recycles it into forgiveness and dies that way. 

Now if He remained dead, history would see Jesus simply as another inspiring person.  Another nice guy who tried to make a difference, but ultimately failed.  However He didn’t. He was resurrected!  This is vindication of what He has revealed to us, as well as a promise of a continuation of life for us. Resurrection is after all, a very human thing to do.

The greatest gift we have received at Christmas is glasses. We see God and ourselves through the lens of Jesus—God incarnate who lived and died and rose again to show us what reality looks like. Do you see God as an angry judge?  Someone you need to please to earn acceptance?  Or worse…someone who will torment you for eternity if you believe wrongly?  Do you see yourself as flawed?  Defective? Unlovable?

If this is how you see reality, you in fact need corrective eyewear.  Will you put on the “Jesus glasses” and experience perfect clarity?

Merry Christmas!

Sometimes religious people post stuff on social media that just makes me roll my eyes.  This meme is one of them. 

It originates from the thinking of Blaise Pascal and is thus called “Pascals Wager”.  It is one of those which has been making the rounds online lately.  This is a classic manipulative tactic designed to target your deepest existential fears. It’s an attempt to bypass your ability to reason with the intent of herding you into the corals of fear based religion.  I would like to point out some problems with the thinking it represents:

There is an assumption going on in the background that the only reason we are brought into material existence is to see if we can pass a divine final exam. To hopefully come to find and believe in the only correct information about God. The purpose of acquiring this information is not for the good of this life either. It is only so you can escape this earth someday and more importantly….escape the default destiny of being tortured forever in hell for the crime of not finding the right information in time.  The end goal is to end up in some blissful place called “heaven” for eternity.   Based on this thought process which is the foundation of evangelical Christianity, there are two logical ways of thinking about this meme.

1.  There are thousands of religions around the world.  Apparently there is only one belief system which will exempt you from eternal torture. Christians claim that theirs is the only one.  However, most other religions make the same claim.  I’m not much of a gambler. In fact, I once had to walk through the casino on a cruise ship to get to another part of the boat.  I saw the slot machines and was about to put a quarter into one, when I realized I would likely never see that quarter again.  I put it back in my pocket and kept on walking.  The stakes are much higher and the odds are not in your favour in this supposed eternal gamble.  Wouldn’t it be smarter to embrace and practice all religions?  I would be much safer becoming a Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist Christian just as a start!  Exhausting, yes.  But hey…who wants to be tortured forever?  Might be worth it to diversify. 

2.  Most Christians believe that hell is a place where the presence of God is absent. They also believe that somehow, while loved ones who died without believing correctly are being tortured endlessly, they will be enjoying heavens bliss.  I won’t presume to know your capacity for relationship with dodgy people, but for me, I would have a real hard time trusting someone who claims to be good and merciful, then finding out that he tortures people in his basement.  I just couldn’t bring myself to have a close, vulnerable relationship with that person.  Why?  Anyone who tortures someone else—for any reason is a monster and cannot be trusted!  If the religious people are right and God is truly like that, then God is indeed a monster. If heaven is a place where that god is, heaven is really hell.  “Hell” is an excellent name to call a place where you are trapped for eternity with someone you can’t trust. Someone you cannot ever feel safe around.  Knowing that people you love—people this god claimed to love while they were in physical form are being mercilessly tortured with no chance of reprieve. Also, if hell is a place where that god is absent, it must be heaven.  It becomes a place of bliss.

What if Jesus was right?  What if there isn’t and never has been some quid pro quo intellectually or morally for enjoying a nice afterlife?  What if Jesus was simply introducing to us a way of living (the way of Christ) which shows us how to be fully human and live fully alive on this earth as we were meant to live?  What if the “heaven” we create on earth from living this way simply continues in the afterlife?  What if we have always been unconditionally loved and accepted by a God who is incapable of doing anything else and all we need to do is to participate in the love and acceptance we have always had?

If I’m right, we live in a very safe universe where we truly can be at peace, where we can experience joy, where authentic relationship can flourish as we live in a reality which is saturated with love.

If I’m wrong, we’re all screwed.  No matter what you believe.

As brilliant as Mr. Pascal was, his thought process is rooted in the wrong presuppositions. I choose to believe Jesus and His way of living!